Mmm. Why? Why isit so hard to let go? Why is it so hard for me to let go of past hurt, achievements, relationships? I mean, past hurt, I don't know how to release it. I need to meet the person face to face to settle this past hurt. How come it seems tt even meeting the person doesn't help? And.. What if... E person doesn't even wanna meet me? How do i let go? Is it possible for me to let go of past hurt jus by myself? I really don't know. Achievements? So what? I mean, Why am I holding on to these? Am I really that insecure? That i care so much about how people look at me that i NEED to hold on to these past achievements so I can be somebody to other people? Why can't I just let it go? Relationships. Why? Why do i keep chasing after relationships that are over? I mean, it is ALREADY OVER. you have NO MORE CHANCE. Why can't I just give up? Why? Can't I ever get a second chance?

K. Emo over. NOW... for e exciting thing. Evangelism. Wow. Evax has really become a part of me. I can't help but to evax, and conversations around me just start becoming directed towards Christ sooner or later. I just WANT people to know about this God, and to have a relationship with Him!! To me, success is not determined by the convert. Success is determined by the fact that I have planted a seed in this person's life, by sharing the gospel to him/her. The new testament has God-knows how many verses about sharing the good news, testifying to the Gospel (Check biblegateway.com, and search for gospel and u can see a hundred appear, of which at least like.. 30? is about sharing e gospel. mayB way more) I mean, im not being an ass here or what, but.. I know I'm in e NS group, but.. My burden goes beyond NS guys. my burden is for everyone. Young, Old, male, female, jew, indian, muslim, catholic, christians, I don't care. I just wanna share to everyone! And.. I do see many constraints which prevent me from sharing the gospel. I do NOT believe that anything can stop me though. The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? For it is for the sake of the gospel that I am in chains. Acts 20:24, so many verses! Nothing can stop me. This saturday, I'm gonna attempt another.. crazy stunt for Jesus. I feel that it is Spirit-led. For how, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? Amen. I will go where You want me to go, even if it means bringing shame to myself, the risk of harm, I will go.

Bah. Now i know why i don't update. Cos everytime sumthing pops up my screen would change and before i post my post is gone n i hafta re-type.

Anw, yup. haven't blogged for.. Woah.. 3 mths. tts long. K. shall update a LOT now.
Im 20!!!!!! hahaha. And this yr, no special big group stuff like e last, but still, i managed to spend my bday with 3 VIPs.

1) Apinun - Mmm.. We went to city hall and had dinner, at a steakhouse, and really had a fun time fellowshipping, with all his lame crap. Was actually sick on that day, had Diarrhoae (Not AFTER e meal. BEFORE.) So.. tt kinda hampered things, but really, this buddy.. thx for all e time spent together, e time u gave up for me, and.. all e advice and encouragements and affirmations. thx bud =)

2) Harry Lam - Mmm... We also went to city hall and had dinner AT A STEAK HOUSE. WOW. coincidence? haha. And.. Spent a great time talking about e future, what life would be like after he leaves, and how to cope without one another. Mushy eh? We ARE MUSHY PEOPLE. And.. how he's gonna help e church in US when he goes dere t study and all. Really can't wait to see him get his white chick in US.. Mmm.. but judging by his skin colour, mayB a black chick lah. A cool negro wif afro styled hair! Woo! U would be cool FOR ONCE. =p

3) Peng Chuan - We went to city hall and.. ITS NOT A STEAKHOUSE. we went to an italian restuarant instead, and.. Was great! except i didn't understand e menu! LOL. And.. Yeahh.. Talked about e old days, how we became buddies, e days spent shooting hoops and playing bridge at Holland V, and all. This guy just moved to tertiary army group, and.. he's.. growing (I think). Yeah. Haha. THIS NUT SPENT $100 on e meal, and bought another $50 shirt for me from G2000, and he still wants to buy books for me. HE'S NUTS. But thx. I really appreciate tt. Haha. But i want MORE TIME. my love lang is TIME.

and.. my bday was cool. Very. Totally. Took half day off and went to esplanade, and walked and talked, shared an ice cream and had a drink with God. (we really did share e ice cream!!) And.. Was great! Realli understood His heart more, and.. those few hours passed by like a few minutes. Okay. Here's the amazing part. As we were by e riverside, I looked up, and saw a RAINBOW. it wasn't raining, there's no reason for e rainbow, but yet it was there! As i turned around about to share to Him tt there's a rainbow (For a moment i forgot that He is omnipotent and CREATED THE RAINBOW) I heard Him tell me, "Happy Birthday Matthew" I WAS LIKE.. OH MY GOODNESS. Can u imagine the love i felt? I mean, like.. this gift is.. like.. money can't buy, in fact nothing could've made it happen except Him, and He gave me that as a present on my birthday!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

K. My wishes. Can share 2 right?
1) I want a heart that NEVER STOPS desiring after God. An undivided heart, a heart pumping with passion and desire for Him. E day my heart doesn't beat for Him, I'm better off dead.

2) Humility. I really pray for me to grow in humility in e upcoming yr. I'm a proud dude. Proud of my giftings and talents, and all my past achievements and all that. Aye. God can heal e broken hearted, comfort e contrite in spirit, but God OPPOSES THE PROUD. I can be anything, but I CANNOT BE PROUD.

God, thx 4 everythin.

OKAY. IM BACK FROM KRABI and BANGKOK. WOO HOO.

lol. k. short n sweet. i hope.

day 1 -we arrived in Krabi at about night time, and.. we jus kinda browsed around, booked our tours and nothin much. realised the people i went on the trip wif are VERY spiritual. they actually pray for the room. If its wif my own church clique, i think e first thing we'll do is chiong for the food rather than t pray. oops. o ya. lesson learnt for the day: CHILLI IN THAILAND IS VERY HOT.

day 2 -Today we visited the 4 islands of Krabi. Its scenery is like super nice lah! we went by speedboat, and we did snorkelling! I learnt how t snorkel today, and its super fun! except tt it started t rain e moment i jumped into the sea. the waters got choppy, but it was still super nice wif all the fish flocking around you! o ya. i found nemo! lesson learnt for the day: If its raining, snorkel with lifejacket. Dun act strong no matter how macho you are.

day 3- Most ZB day. K. Apinun joined us today. Went sun tanning wif him. (yes. i know. black jokes) Erm.. A day which we really did nothing but chill. and thai massage. O YA. I DROVE A MOTOR BIKE. and i got into an accident. Lesson learnt: Krabi has really nothing to do at night. O yes. and Thailand has no dustbin.

day 4- Pipi islands! Its e most beautiful part of the islands. Its like.. the water is so clear that u can see fishes even though its deeper than 2m. o ya.Lesson learnt: Dun let people on the speedboat throw bread at u. one might get tangled up in your hair and.. the fish might be biting your hair.

tts krabi. and i gotta sleep. camp tmr. nite! bangkok update soon.

O ya. A random thought.

If our christianity has cost us nothing, how much is it really worth?

The truth of the Gospel works on so many levels. Though some will argue that God does not exist and man is the highest form in the universe, they will strive for a moral code. Challenge them to find a better moral code than that which is outlined in the New Testament. Ask them to compare it to the other systems of morals in the world: those of aethists, other religions, or political systems. You will have to know it well to spell it out, but have them compare the law of love to all other philosophical systems and challenge them to show you a better one. Ask them to show you a country where innovative breakthroughs emerge where christians are not in the majority. Discuss the list of great scientists and achievers of all time and see how many of them were christians or jews or at least believed in God's existence. Do the study yourself. Look at the top ten people of the last millennium and look at their beliefs and accomplishments. Newton, Gutenburg, Michelangelo, Luther, Washington, Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, and others you will find on any list of impoertant people of the last 1000 yrs. They all had trememndous faith in God. Look at nations that have tried to exist without God: The Soviet Union, China, Albania, Vietnam - Which of these has been as successful as those that built their foundations on the laws of the bible?

But then you will have to add that even though this is a great philosophy, it cannot work without its power source. Man has no motive to be "good" without gratitude to a Savior who granted they should not have to suffer for their own sins. Without the love of God in their hearts to motivate them to put the needs of others before themselves, they will ultimately act selfishly despite what philosophies they hold on to. The views of Marx and Lenin sound like they are a solid foundation for heaven on earth, but their applications have brought more hell than any other. What brought this about? When those in power saw that they could do whatever they liked and tried to force others into a mold of service to the state, selfishness took over and whenever convenient they began to reward their philosophies to justify their own selfish desires. To free ourselves from cultural restraints to rise to a higher and better system seems a great idea, but such cultural revolutions in the Orient have done little but bathe their countries in blood.

If you don't stand up for what ypu believe, who will? If you don't tell those in your world about the Truth, why should God send someone else to do it?

Labels: Gospel truth

Mmm. K. Shall have a short post b4 i sleep. k. my grandma is asking me t slp. nite.

Im going back 2 camp tmr after such a LOONNNGGG mc. Well, been thinking. Everyone's been calling me crazy to cut short my mc t return t camp. Mmm. MayB i am crazy, but i know tt i'm doing the right thing. Right in God's sight. MayB this blog goes out t all e students and nsmen and working adults as well.

Many times i hear people complaining about school, studying, homework, exams, how they wish they can go army (For guys) Den in army, they either complain they have a lot to do or nothing to do (weird but, come on. you know its true) Den when they go out into the working world, they complain about their job, how they have no time for themselves and all. I think. Tts bs. Well, man ( myself included) always wish that things were better. But.. today as I was talking wif God, he reminded me of one teaching which I used t hear. God will not change your circumstance (most of e time), but He can change your character, and He can change the way you look at things. It is what made me decide not to Keng and go back t camp. I wanna go back, and I wanna learn how t be joyful in the midst of working. I wanna go back to live out a life worthy of carrying the name of Jesus. I wanna go back and share the love of God with my camp mates, my boss, the canteen auntie, I dno. Whoever I can. I mean, I never know. For all you know one day you might be in prison for e sake of e Gospel. And what you gonna do? You can't quit prison. You can't ORD from prison. You either gonna do nothing or do a lot of things. And den what? Start training yourself from there? YOU WON'T. You will just hold on t e same attitude and sooner or later YOU WILL BACKSLIDE. If thats the case, I don't think God will ever put you through tests which will gain you rewards for eternity, and how will you grow to be a shining light before all men? Unless you want to lead a mediocre life and just barely get into the Kingdom of Heaven, you gotta change your attitude now. NOW NOW NOW.

Labels: going back to camp

Mmm. Someone asked me why i cry so much. I think its cos i have a lot t b thkful for.

Been having a couple of bad days a couple of days ago. Emotional turmoils, erm.. a lot lah. Physical tiredness, mentally unsound, emotionally on a roller coaster, spiritually distant from God. Really thank God for e sermon on Sat. During Alter call, God gave me 2 words. Erm.. dun really feel like saying it out here. But.. ppl who wanna know can ask me. yeapz. And.. one word from heaven can change eternity. wads more two.

Really dno wad 2 blog. k. erm. K. I'VE ONLY GOT ONE LIFE. I wanna give it to Jesus. and.. I seriously.. dun understand why ppl reject Him when.. He's like so good lah. I mean, He gives you a reason to live, He gives you life to the fullest that it can ever reach, He's the only one who will never leave you nor forsake you, He makes you prosper in all that you do, He changes you for the better, He always forgives you, He died for you, SO MUCH SO MUCH. Whats so hard 2 understand? I just don't get it. If there's one thing I don't understand, its this. Circumstances and stuff can be bad and down, but.. He ISN'T WAD. He has neva let me down know. and He has never failed 2 forgive me, to be there for me. ARGH. How i wish i could have shown them my life before and after. how much He has changed me. Seriously. I wanna help all these peeps 2 like see it for themselves, t experience it and I KNOW THAT UR LIFE WILL B MUCH BETTER WIF GOD. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW.

Mmm. i like this song. its a cartoon theme song, and for peeps hu dno. i LURVE cartoons. eh.. The land before time one.

Don’t lose your way
With each passing day
You’ve come so far
Don’t throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and i

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and i

When we are out there in the dark
We’ll dream about the sun
In the dark we’ll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and i

Labels: If we hold on together

Mmm. IM SUPER EMO NOW. K. WAD HAPPENED WAS. I was jus listening 2 music, making myself emo, den I thought about.. er.. yesh. AND I BECAME REALLY EMO. I STARTED WORSHIPPING GOD and i nearly peaked le. den wad happened nxt my grandma brought out my old box of encouragement cards and asked what r those. OMG. And.. was jus readin tru em.

Mmm. How times have changed. haha. oh well.

Matt
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13/08/87
Hope Church Singapore



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